Here is a short video of me frolicking around in the autumnal woods. Autumn is my favourite season and I am so happy the leaves are turning brown and the days are getting colder. Please enjoy my hand picked memories of this season! 🙂
Your cold fists scrunch tufts of hair into birds nests
But now It’s time to go
Just put on your shoes
One at a time
Bite the skin on your lips
Give your fingers time to breath
Now put on that bag of artefacts
I feels heavier than before
Glance down and down
Further than that
Until the core of the earth can see you
Until it stares back
Can you hear it yet?
The groaning and the wheezing
The rumble and the racket
Your steed is here
Two steps too close
See the blur and the squabble
Cross your fingers in your pocket
And hope to breathe
Stand tall, don’t topple
Look past it, that’s far enough
Hand on heart, feel it beat
Remember that it’s there.
Please enjoy this multitrack cover! 🙂
I’ve not written a blog for a long old time. I’ve written posts and kept them safe and sound in the drafts folder; I’ve jotted down poems and penned notes in early morning delirium, but nothing has quite come together to form one coherent post. So this time I commit to writing this with a clear head and a calm heart, and posting it without hesitation.
I was recently diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder, which to me was simply the official term for something I have been experiencing since childhood. As an incredibly introverted Anxiety Sufferer, my mind serves as both a sanctuary and a carnival hall of mirrors. Through a life of ups and downs, doctors visits, deep conversations, painful bodily sensations and the occasional mind earthquake, I like to think I have learned a fair amount myself. The most important lesson I have learned throughout this time, however, is that many of the steps I have taken to help stem from the power of perspective. Perspective is perhaps an umbrella term, covering a multitude of things such as mindfulness, awareness, reflection, hope and gratitude. Perspective is not only what shapes the way I see the world, but it is also what allows me to observe myself in a deeper way. Last summer I went through a health scare which brought on a myriad of triggers for my anxiety. During this time I was forced to commit to taking care of myself. I wrote this, wrapped tightly in a blanket and sitting on the sofa, right in the grip of anxiety:
“When going through a hard time there are few things more helpful than Nina Simone, Otis Redding, home made chocolate cake, white tulips, lush bath bombs, Yankee candles and funny YouTube videos. I just watched the most ‘so bad it’s good’ film on Netflix called Monte Carlo, and it made me feel a little better.”
It was almost as if I was in safe mode. Have you ever had your computer crash? Usually when you do, it comes up with the option to boot up in safe mode; everything is simpler, less confusing, safe. I had to turn down the volume, and that’s exactly what I did. In this particular post, I want to share with you a list of the four main aspects of perspective, which helped me through that time, and continue to guide me through the twists and turns that Anxiety can cause. I like to think of them as ways to better my peace of mind, live reflectively, learn, grow and improve my inner strength and awareness. Anxiety is a struggle, it is difficult and it is different for every single person who experiences it. This list is simply my personal treasure chest, into which I often delve in times of intense strain and struggle, but also in times of joy and peace. Whether or not these things help you, please know and trust that you are deeply loved and that you are never alone in your journey; we all walk with you.
Observing your own thoughts and physical sensations is one of the most tried and tested methods of relaxation, this is also more commonly referred to as mindfulness and/or meditation. Mindfulness is a huge part of observing, and one of the best things I ever did for myself was download the Calm App:
This app is a wonderful tool. You can listen to guided meditation, soothing music and wonderful sleep stories, which are a particular favourite of mine and can help with the insomnia that Anxiety can often induce. The app can be used on your phone, tablet or even computer and is available here: https://www.calm.com/
The other aspect of observation is looking outside of ourselves at the world around us. Through times of stress, I believe that quietly observing nature can be extremely helpful. I like to observe anything from wide sprawling landscapes to small intricate details:
The first of these images is aptly taken from a lake hide. It is a place to observe the nature around you without being seen, a place to simply look and listen, I believe this is a wonderful symbol. The second is a picture of a large red damsel fly, which flew onto my knee and just sat contently for about 5 minutes. This was one very special and calming experience. In both cases, I was actively observing what was happening around me and to me, and simply taking in the beauty of the situation, as well as a whole lot of fresh air!
For me, the countryside is a particularly calming place, but everyone has their own preference. Perhaps you enjoy people watching, or looking at the city lights at dusk. Whatever it is you enjoy watching, do it. Consider the details, the stories and the origins of what you are looking at. Try to listen to and accept the noises, the smells and the atmosphere around you. I find that this is a useful strategy for staying calm during times where you are unable to look within yourself for comfort. As someone who lives in a big city, I am well aware of the stress that can be brought on by commuting around the city and the unrelenting hustle and bustle. In these times, I try to accept what is around me, and look for the positive sights. It could be as simple as a cat strolling down the street, or a brightly coloured front door.
Another useful Perspective I have frequently called upon is the use of ‘Doing’. This could be anything from physically doing things to being creatively and intellectually engaged.
The two physical activities I personally find the most helpful for soothing of Anxiety are walking and practising Yoga. I am not an athlete, I still have flashbacks of the middle school bleep test (if you’ve not heard of this save yourself and don’t look it up, it’s the stuff of nightmares). However, I really enjoy practising yoga. Finding an exercise you enjoy can be a really important tool for combating anxiety as it allows you to actively observe your body in an incredibly healthy way. I believe Yoga is the perfect exercise for Anxiety sufferers, not only because it has strong ties to meditation and mindful practise, but also because it is an exercise you can do in your own home. I practise yoga right from my living room by watching this wonderful woman:
Her practise relies heavily on self belief, free breathing and being kind to yourself, and she has several videos related to combating stress, anxiety and nerves specifically.
The other aspect of ‘Doing’ relates to the stimulation of the mind. This aspect of Perspective is something that helped me tremendously. The main outlets I began to use were cooking and baking, writing, and colouring:
These are a few of my little creations. I found that actually making things with my bare hands was a welcome channel for my mind, and allowed me to focus on something physical that I enjoy and is aesthetically pleasing. With each creation I felt like I had accomplished something, however small. With cooking, especially, I found that making a meal for myself and my boyfriend was really rewarding and therapeutic. Admittedly, for many people cooking is more of a source for stress than it is therapy, but there are a countless other pleasurable ways to stimulate the mind and the imagination in a constructive way, things like writing stories, doodling, gardening, pottery, carpentry, learning to knit or make origami animals, or even something as simple as buying some freshly cut flowers and trimming them before putting them on display. It’s about finding what makes you feel calm, but stimulated.
This is very much the most self-care centred aspect of Perspective. Rest is primarily about giving yourself the space to deal with the physical and mental sensations that your Anxiety is causing. It is about allowing yourself the opportunity to do things you enjoy; perceiving the things in your life which make you happy; and seeking out the time to do them. These should be activities that make you content and calm; things that allow your perspective to shift into a calm state in which you are simply resting and allowing yourself to heal. Rest is the balm that anxiety so desperately needs. It is the breath of fresh air and the calm after the storm. An important aspect of rest is also literal sleep, and this is often something which can shape our perspective of the next morning. When I was having trouble sleeping through a particularly stressful bout of anxiety and worry, I decided to purchase a body lotion from Lush called ‘Sleepy’. I’m sure a lot of you will already of heard of this product, and I want to assure you that is simply amazing. I use it for migraines, getting to sleep, and general times of stress in which I need a soothing and calming smell:
We all relax and rest in different ways. I like to eat tiramisu, take long baths, see my family, watch Steven Universe and listen to audio books. For you it might be a different list. I truly believe this aspect of perspective is one that everyone should observe. Taking time for yourself, even in the smallest ways, is always important. As you grow and change the list will get longer, and perhaps at certain times the amount of time you are able to give to yourself may change too, but please look after yourself, please rest.
Reflection is perhaps one of the most important Perspectives. Reflection is about considering and in some cases documenting the way you feel. At times this will be about documenting how your anxiety is affecting you, what physical sensations you feel, what made you feel better, why you feel this way. At other times, and hopefully more frequently, your reflections on life will be filled with wonderful memories and times in which you felt good, calm, relaxed, brave, proud, happy or all of the above! It is important not to dwell on reflection, but to use when you need or want to, and when it will serve you well. Reflection can be harnessed through writing and journaling, speaking to loved ones or trained professionals, and also artistic outlets like photography and art.
I have personally used all of these methods to observe the way in which I am feeling and the sensations I am experiencing. As well as being a useful outlet for inner thoughts and feelings, it is also helpful and insightful to look back at these musings and see how far you have come since those moments. For me personally, reflection allows me to feel a great deal of gratitude, which is a precious thing indeed. Reflection is an important tool that has helped me grow and develop not only as someone with Anxiety but also as a human being.
I hope that this post has been of some use to those who have come upon it. Whether you have Anxiety or just want to feel a little more at peace with the world and yourself, I hope this list will help you to become aware, observant, reflective and content with the world around you.
It’s all about perspective.
This song is incredibly special to me. I really hope you enjoy this cover!